


Remind Me To Forget

by AiLaikHeda_OnMyBeda



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Betrayal, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Identity Reveal, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, One Shot, POV Lena Luthor, Sad Ending, Sad Lena Luthor, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 11:34:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18940102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AiLaikHeda_OnMyBeda/pseuds/AiLaikHeda_OnMyBeda
Summary: Post 4x22 Reveal One-Shot where Lena discovers that sometimes it's not what you want to do to survive, it's what you need to do.ORThe one where Lena Luthor wants to forget, so she does.*Note* This is not a happy ending.





	Remind Me To Forget

Cold.

 

Rage.

 

Shivering.

 

Creeping.

 

Crawling throughout her body, infecting her, tainting her memories with something no longer sweet, but vile and foul, prompting her to take sip after sip of scotch until she no longer felt the ache, the pain, and then, the betrayal.

 

_“It’s a- it’s a- what is it?“ Kara exclaimed frustratedly._

 

_Alex scoffed. “Oh for goodness sake. It’s One Flew Over The Coo Coo’s Nest, Kara.”_

 

 _“How is_ that?!” _Kara asked incredulously, her blue eyes as wide as the rim of her glasses._

 

_"I guess my artistic skills are not up to par," Lena muttered, capping the permanent marker._

 

_They had been battling it out in game night with Alex, J’onn, Brainy and Nia. It had been close all night, a constant one point disparity between team Alex and J'onn, and team Kara and Lena. Only on this night, Kara and Lena had faltered. Or more accurately, Kara had._

 

_It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for game night to become so competitive, particularly when the Danvers sisters were opposing each other. On one of their more over-competitive nights, Alex and Kara had almost reached the point of physical blows. Of course, on that night, Lena wasn’t aware, and she actually feared for the safety of her best friend and favourite reporter, knowing just how skilled and dangerous Alex was from her DEO training. She was about ready to substitute herself with Kara until the sisters broke out into laughter._

 

_She knew the sisters would never actually physically hurt each other, it was just their natural competitive sisterly sides peaking through. Although it didn’t stop Lena from worrying at the time, she knew first how hand anxious Kara could become in a hostile environment, if her response during Mercy’s attack on L-Corp months prior was any indication._

 

_Still the competitive aura in the atmosphere was exhilarating in a sense. It was exciting, but most importantly, there was nothing quite like Kara in her element. The reporter sported the same game face each game night that she sported when hunting down board members and business tycoon’s for interviews._

 

_Lena chuckled softly, sitting next to her pouting friend. “You never cease to amaze me, Kara.”_

 

_Kara scoffed. “I suck at Pictionary and that amazes you?”_

 

 _"_ You _amaze me, Kara.”_

 

It’s ironic. If only Kara knew just how much she truly did amaze Lena. Although now, as she sat alone in her office, the hostility of that sentiment was beginning to possess her. She had managed to keep composed the previous night, pretending to be none the wiser as she shuffled hesitantly into J’onn’s house for yet another casual game night.

 

To everyone else, it was, except on that night, Lena knew the truth, and it killed her inside to pretend as though she hadn’t been lied to, hadn’t been manipulated, for years, by a room full of people she called her ‘friends.’ It killed her inside to pretend as though everything was alright, and the reason she was late was because she couldn't decide on a red or white, not because she had been crying in her bathroom, clawing at her brain to try and forget this kind of pain ever existed.

 

Lena had felt pain before, with her Luthor reputation, with her mother, with her brother, with her assistant Eve, but never pain of this magnitude, never pain that practically debilitated her into a shell of the person she once was.

 

Lena swallowed the rest of her scotch, the same bottle Kara had somehow procured for her during their trip to Kasnia. Although now, the scotch tasted bittersweet as it coated her taste buds, just another reminder of the betrayal, the lies, and the pain.

 

The photo the three women took that night was placed face up on the table, staring up at Lena, mocking her and her stupidity. She debated turning it over, hiding her own, and both Alex and Kara’s faces. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it, she couldn’t will her limbs to move and turn the tainted memory over. She had looked so happy there, yet, so clueless and so used, and in this moment, Lena would rather that than have to deal with the pain she felt every waking minute.

 

_“The jokes on you. It’s always been on you. Your friends have been lying to you from the start. Your boyfriend, Jimmy, Alex, J’onn that little alien runt, Brainy, even your own mother. They mocked you. Humiliated you. Betrayed you. Every last one. Denial is a very powerful thing isn’t it? It’s been standing in front of you all this time, and you chose not to see it. Kara Danvers is Supergirl. You are left with no one and nothing.”_

 

Her glass came down, cracking the glass over the photo as quickly as Lena’s heart cracked the second she saw those images of Kara, or rather, Supergirl. First it was of her blocking bullets with the palm of her hand that same day L-Corp was attacked. Next was her ‘sneeze,’ forcing the armed men off their feet and into surrounding structures. Then it was of her incinerating the room in Kasnia while they were hunting Lex, the same room Kara came rushing out of, a room full of the very truth which had been infront of Lena all along, hiding in plain sight.

 

If only she had chosen to see it. If only she wasn’t so blinded by the way Kara made her feel. By the way Kara never faltered, never ceased to believe in her even when Supergirl had.

 

_“You are not weak. You are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul.”_

 

That was the thing which left a rotten taste in her mouth. How she had been so easily manipulated by Kara’s words and they way Kara made her feel not only about herself and her Luthor heritage, but about the blonde as well. Only for Supergirl to turn her back so easily and throw Lena's family's misdoing back into her life like the plague Lena had always thought they were.

 

_"I thought I knew everything I needed to know, but you have secrets, and it changes things."_

 

_"Oh right, you don't like secrets?"_

 

_"Nope, I dont."_

 

_"Good. What’s you real name?"_

 

_"Thats not a great question for a Luthor to ask someone in my family."_

 

Since day one, even when Supergirl wasn’t trusting in Lena, Kara had been, unfaltering and unwavering, as though they weren’t one in the same person, only pretending to be two different people. And for what?

 

For a sick joke? For some cruel and manipulative revenge ploy? For Kara to use Supergirl as some twisted facade to express how she really felt about Lena, to express her distrust for the youngest Luthor, tearing her down piece by piece, only to build her back up as Kara Danvers so Supergirl could tear her down again?

 

It wasn’t necessarily the lying which hurt Lena. Lena had secrets of her very own that Kara didn’t know about, secrets she hadn’t told a single soul. Even the secrets she had kept from Supergirl regarding kryptonite and her work with the Harun-El. Everyone has their secrets, and everyone is entitled to their secrets. Being a Luthor, Lena had no shortage of secrets, and she knew the impact, the danger and the burden that each and every one of those secrets could have on a person.

 

No. What hurt Lena the most wasn’t discovering that Supergirl was Kara, rather that Kara was Supergirl. That her sweet, beautiful best friend who had been nothing but seemingly supportive, loving, encouraging, and on all accounts, Lena’s hero was none other than Supergirl. Kara Danvers had managed to fulfil all the things which Supergirl had given up on in Lena at some point in time. Only, it wasn’t just Supergirl who had given up, but Kara as well, because her sweet, beautiful and supportive best friend wasn't as innocent and trustworthy as Lena had thought.

 

No matter how hard she tried, Lena couldn’t separate the two identities any longer. Staring at the face of Kara Danvers beneath the shattered glass, she didn’t see her best friend, she saw Supergirl, the woman who had betrayed her, distrusted her, and lied to her. Directly to her face, even after Lena had asked her for the truth. Back then, Lena wouldn't have been any less hurt over the fact that her Kara was Supergirl, but at least back then there was opportunity to rectify the situation, to build back any lost friendships or feelings.

 

Instead, Kara had chosen to sit in silence, allowing Lena to embarrass herself even further, to the point of telling Kara just how much betrayal hurt, Eve's betrayal no less, how everyone in her life had betrayed her at some point, only for Kara to disregard those feelings entirely. As it turns out, Kara was just like everyone else. 

 

Over the next week, Lena locked herself away in her office at L-Corp, quietly organising a cremation ceremony for Lex. She dodged Kara’s calls and Kara’s visits, Alex’s calls and visits, even Supergirl herself, citing that she was caught up with family affairs and research projects. She skipped out on meetings at CatCo, on game night at Kara’s, even on drinks at the bar. So much for "always." 

 

There was no shortage of attention, as confused voicemail upon voicemail began piling up in her inbox as the week turned into weeks. Lena began wondering whether it was Kara who was checking up on her, or if it was Supergirl. Weeks ago, she would have rearranged her entire schedule if it meant spending even a second with her favourite person, but now, she was rearranging her schedule as not to spend even a second with the reporter.

 

Though with each text, call, box of donuts, and bundle of flowers sent to her office, Lena felt her resolve slipping away. She yearned for her best friend, mourned for the relationship she once had, when she was as oblivious as Kara made herself out to be, which no doubt would never be the same no matter how hard either girl tried. She mourned to forget, to forget that Kara was Supergirl, to forget that Supergirl even existed at this point, because all that realisation caused her was pain.

 

So, she kept her business affairs to herself, even keeping her new assistant out of the loop, because if anyone found out what she had really been working on, it would only cause her more pain.

 

Her plan of evading both Kara and Supergirl had worked, for almost a month, until Lena received a call from a number she recognised as belonging to the official Director of the DEO, Alex Danvers.

 

Under current circumstances, she would have declined, but if Alex were calling from her work phone and not her personal, Lena knew this meant business. The DEO was also notorious for their state of the art and extraterrestrial tech, tech which Lena would find useful in time.

 

She hurried quickly to the DEO after Alex’s call informed her that a few of Lex’s minions still remained, and had placed a number of explosives throughout national city containing traces of the Harun-El serum Lex had stolen from Lena.

 

Supergirl was there of course, staring longingly like a lost puppy, reminiscent of the look Supergirl gave Lena after Lena severed all personal ties with the woman after her betrayal a year ago.

 

_“I just don’t want one mistake to ruin our friendship, that’s all.”_

 

_“It won’t. We don’t have a friendship Supergirl. All this time we’ve been working together it’s been about work. We have a mission to complete and I’m not about to let any tension between you and I get in the way of that.”_

 

_“I just hope when we solve this, we can work to rebuild our trust.”_

 

_“Why is it so important to you that we’re friends? I have friends Supergirl. Friends that don’t scheme behind my back or lie, given my family history they know how painful that would be. They also know I would never enter into a friendship with somebody who’s ever breached that trust.”_

 

“Lena? I said, can you generate an algorithm based off the radioactive fingerprint of the Harun-El to locate the explosives?" Alex asked, almost face to face with the CEO.

 

Supergirl watched from a distance, concern evident on her features as well.

 

"I'll get started in the lab upstairs," Lena replied monotonously, before turning in the direction of the stairs.

 

She watched from the corner of her eye as Supergirl made a motion to follow her, but thought better of the decision before turning away completely, walking in the opposite direction. 

 

Some twisted part of Lena wanted the Super to follow her, just so she could scream, and yell, and maybe throw a thing, or two, or three at Kara, as if by doing so, Kara would feel even an atom of the pain Lena had felt the past few weeks. But she knew no matter hard much she threw, or how hard she did, nothing would hurt the Super, and nothing could compare. Perhaps it might have convinced her otherwise, of going through with what she needed to, but that ship had sailed long ago.

 

She had almost finished generating an algorithm when she felt her phone buzz on the desk beside her. 'Kara Danvers' began flashing on the screen, the caller ID picture now anonymous, and her name bare without the flux of emojis Kara had given herself one late night in the office with Lena.

 

She looked around, knowing Kara was somewhere in the DEO, hiding behind some concreted wall, listening in for Lena's response, or watching Lena's movements with her X-Ray vision. In a moment of weakness, Lena answered the phone.

 

"Hello," she spoke cooly.

 

“Lena!" Kara exclaimed, and Lena found herself missing the cheerfulness and glee Kara's voice once brought her. Now, it left a lump in her throat and an ache in her chest.

 

"I was surprised you picked up…” Kara trailed.

 

“I’m sorry I’ve been radio silent," Lena admitted. "I just needed some time to arrange a few personal matters," Lena lied, because the truth was, she had arranged everything regarding Lex's demise weeks ago.

 

“I heard on the news that they found Lex's body... You know I’m always here for you? If there is anything bothering you, or hurting you, you don’t have to go through it alone, you can trust me,” Kara responded, ever the one to be compassionate and empathetic. 

 

Lena had to hide a scoff at that. She had trusted Kara, and for years. But where had that gotten her?

 

“Thankyou, Kara. I appreciate it, really.” Lena lied again.

 

“What are friends for?” Kara replied perkily.

 

Alex's presence in the room startled Lena, and she ended the call before saying anything else. At least Alex had the decency to remain formal in a place of work, for the elder Danvers left as respectfully as she entered, algorithm in hand. Lena quickly grabbed the few other bits and bobs she had been working on during her short stay, and she snuck them into her handbag.

 

On her departure from the DEO, Lena caught a glimpse of Kara, standing proud in her red and blue outfit. She looked more confident, more assured of herself than she had when Lena entered the complex. Perhaps it had something to do with Lena, but the CEO didn't hang around to find out. If there was anything Lena wanted to remember, it was that confidence, not the ego-centric type, or the God complex type Lena knew existed in the woman, but the innocent yet powerful confidence, the confidence that resided within Kara Danvers as well as Supergirl, the confidence that Lena still admired, despite the pain she felt when looking at the woman.

 

Later that night on the news, Lena saw footage of Supergirl flying over the city at missile speed, practically porting from location to location, apprehending the remains of Lex's ring of minions and plans. It brought a small smile to her face, knowing that there would be nothing left of her brother's legacy, that his plans for domination were about as irrelevant and buried as he was. At least then, there would be one less Luthor that Lena would have to carry the weight of, one less Luthor that Supergirl would have to use against her.

 

She worked for hours, well beyond the time the rest of L-Corp's employee's went home. Nowadays, there wasn't much else left for Lena to do, considering that if she even wanted to, her friends probably wouldn't want to talk to her after she had shunned them out for weeks. It was at times like these that Kara Danvers would make her appearance, food and a bottle of wine in hand. The gesture seemed different, now that Lena knew who Kara was. 

 

It no longer seemed like her best friend was checking up on her, but rather making sure Lena wasn't becoming the next Lex, planning world domination, or some scheme to render Kryptonian's extinct. Appearing as Kara rather than Supergirl would've seemed more innocuous too. 

 

_"I’ve had your back so many times, when the rest of the world was ready to pass you off as the new Lex Luthor."_

 

Another hour passed before Lena was packing her satchel, full of documents and completed formula for her personal project, when a timid knock sounded on her door.

 

"Come in," Lena called wearily.

 

The last person she expected to see appeared in her doorway, looking as timid as ever, not at all the woman she was earlier in her red and blue suit.

 

"Kara... it's late," Lena sighed, as Kara entered fully into the office.

 

“I know, I know, and this will only take a second." Kara rushed to explain.

 

Lena dropped her satchel and gazed at Kara expectantly, knowing exactly what would come of the moment about to happen, knowing it wouldn't be what either Kara or herself wanted, but it would be what Lena needed.

 

"I... I need to say something and I need you to be open minded. This has been bugging me for a while, and I wanted to tell you, I really did. I almost did, until I found out how hurt you were about Eve and I realised that I didn't ever want to hurt you like that. But I can see you're hurting now, and I'm hurting, and I just can't keep this from you anymore. I think you have a right to know, and-and maybe we can move past this and be okay, or not maybe not, but... here it is. It’s me… I’m Supergirl.”

 

Lena's posture remained stoic, unmoving and unwavering, staring at Kara as though she hadn't heard a word of what the reporter said, only she had, she just wished the truth had come from Kara rather than Lex. She wished the truth never even came, and this was just another night with her best friend, enjoying chocolate strawberries, wine and cheese. Lena wished many things, many impossible things.

 

“You don’t seem… you already knew.” Kara slumped, defeated by her own realisation.

 

“You’re very perceptive, Kara," Lena responded, reaching to pick up her satchel once again. "Lex told me, in fact, he showed me, right before I killed him.”

 

Kara's eyes went wide at Lena's confession, but her reaction startled Lena. Instead of reprimanding Lena like she expected, Kara apologised, like she was the one to blame for Lex's death, like she was the one who pulled the trigger. As quickly as a flicker of compassion appeared in Lena's cool and barely beating heart, it disappeared beneath the frost.

 

“Is that all?” Lena asked.

 

Kara walked closer to the desk, her eyes pleading. “You don’t have anything to say?”

 

“There’s nothing to say, Kara.” Lena spoke spoke cooly, her voice clipped, fiddling with the handle of her satchel.

 

Kara's mouth dropped as she struggled to formulate a response. “You don’t want to talk about your feelings?” 

 

“My feelings?" Lena asked incredulously. " _Now_ all of a sudden you’re concerned about my feelings?”

  
  
“Lena, I’ve always-“

 

“See that’s where you’re wrong," Lena snapped. "If you were really concerned about my feelings, you would have told me the truth, I don’t know, when I asked you who you were. When Supergirl was going behind my back, betraying my trust while ‘Kara Danvers’ was none the wiser and pretending as though she actually cared about me.”

 

Kara stepped back, recoiling from Lena's venomous attack, as though Lena's words hurt more than the reality of the situation. 

 

“ _Your_ feelings, and _my_ feelings for you are the very reason I didn’t tell you the truth," Kara defended. "How could I? I promised myself I would, that you deserved to know, but how could I when I knew how much Eve’s betrayal meant to you, when I knew how much it hurt. I couldn’t dare to think about how much my betrayal would hurt you.”

 

Lena shook her head in disappointment. “Well, now you can, because you've managed to achieve the one thing you apparently set out  _not_ to do. Lex was right, you know. At the the end of the day, the only person a Luthor has is themselves. I am all alone.”

 

“Lena, please-“

 

“You know I miss you, Kara?" Lena admitted, "I’ve missed you since the second I found, because deep down, I knew that the second I did, I lost you. But then I realised, I'm only missing a person you used to be, a person you pretended to be.”

 

A single tear fell down Kara's flushed Kryptonian cheeks as the realisation of Lena's words dawned on her. She reached out for Lena, only for Lena to recoil backwards with an unreadable expression. “Lena... I... I never pretended. I was dishonest, I know that. But I never pretended, never with you.”

 

“But you did. You were always two different people to me. The friend who would build me up with food, wine, laughter, and kindness, but you were also the person who struck me down. The truth is, you’re not two different people. You are the same person, the same person who lost their faith in me, who was dishonest, and who went behind my back and betrayed me. I could've  forgiven Supergirl for that, because Supergirl is an idea, a beacon. But now that I know that Supergirl is you, Kara Danvers, I don't know if I can ever forgive that.”

 

Lena marched past Kara, reaching for her door before a warm hand wrapped around her wrist.

 

"If you give me a chance, I will do whatever it takes to help you forgive me." Kara pleaded.

 

Lena spoke lowly, a sick smile playing on her lips. "That's the thing Kara. I don't want to just forgive you, I want to forget you. I want to forget you were ever Supergirl, I want to forget you ever existed, I want to forget everything you've ever said or done. I need to forget."

 

She left without a word, cradling the contents of her satchel as though her life depended on it. In retrospect, it did. Part of Lena's company devoted it's money and resources to help those living in illness or with disease. Pain is a disease, a very really and life threatening disease if not treated properly, if not given the concern it should be granted. And sometimes, in the most debilitating of cases, the only cure for pain is to simply forget.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I still haven't caught up with Supergirl yet... I probably should now that the reveal is out. Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this and I evoked at least some feels from you Superfans, and I hope you enjoyed the trip down memory Lane for some of the softest and angstiest scenes between our girls. :)
> 
> This was not meant to end on a good note, and is strictly written from Lena's point of view. Ergo, Lena isn't aware of how much Kara wanted to tell her the truth. I haven't exactly spelled out my ending, because I felt as though that might take away from the weight of the story, but I'm hoping my intentions were clear. 
> 
> Apologies for any mistakes - I am betaless still. 
> 
> P.S. For those who recognise me from IFLG - I swear it has been sitting on complete for months, I've just been hella busy and haven't been able to edit the new chapter!


End file.
